Prepoceros

While in Colorado I schlepped myself to the Old Navy outlet and bought a pair of jeans, as my current everyday-jeans have developed several holes, most notably in the crotch*, and became unsuitable for public display three months ago (not that that’s stopped me).

My new jeans are amazing for the simple fact that—get this—they go all the way to the floor, and not a centimeter further. I’ve worn them every day since I’ve been home. When I’m walking, I tend to stare at my feet now; they way my pants fall neatly around my shoes, skimming the ground, makes me so very happy.

This doesn’t happen for me and jeans, you see. Even when I buy “short” jeans, they’re always at least an inch too long. Then I have to wear flip-flops as much as possible so the backs of my jeans can fold up inside them, under my feet. If I wear any other shoes, I step on my pants all day, which of course leaves them dirty and torn. I try to cuff them, but all my jeans are boot-cut, so the cuffs look like crap and never stay up, and then I end up walking on them anyway.

Okay, listen, jeansmakers. I’m short, yes, but not freakishly so. I am 5′4″. As I understand it, the average American woman is 5′5″. SHORT JEANS SHOULD NOT BE TOO LONG FOR ME.

Or do they perhaps intend the jeans to be worn with heels? I suppose that could be the case, but if you’re the sort of person who wears tall heels with jeans, are you really going to buy those jeans at the Gap? This image does not compute.

My last jeans, size 6-short, were from the Gap, and they were two inches too long. My new jeans, also size 6-short, are from Old Navy, which owns (or is owned by or sister to or whatever) the Gap, and they’re the perfect length. How does that happen?

Why do men, who care significantly less about the style and fit of their clothes, have a much more sensible sizing system than we do? I didn’t realize the extent of the difference before I had a boyfriend, but when John buys clothes (pants and jackets, I mean), he can tell whether they’ll fit him without trying them on (handy on the internet) because men’s clothing is sized according to ACTUAL BODY MEASUREMENTS, using an actual, standardized, unchanging unit of measurement instead of this only-even (or only-odd), manufacturer-specific, shifting-by-the-decade “system” women are stuck with. What gives?

The new jeans are too big around for me, actually—I can fit both arms inside (while wearing them) with room to spare. I have a habit of buying jeans too big and regretting it later, when I have to hold them up with belts so they get all unflatteringly puckery around the waist. When I was a size 6, I bought 8s. Now that I’m (apparently) a 4, I’m drawn to the 6s. I’m thinking about going out and getting a pair of 4s—skinny jeans, maybe—just to see if my junk-poor trunk can fill *those* out at least.

And it’s not only jeans that are made for giants. The other day I ordered leggings** from American Apparel. Size small, of course. Leggings are supposed to stop mid-calf, or maybe just above the ankle, but with no stretching at all, waistband at my waist, these half-covered my feet. I had to scrunch them way up under my skirt to make them even wearable. Wtf, mate?

For the ski trip I ordered new thermal underwear from Lands End. The tops fit okay, a little looser than I expect from long johns, but the bottoms were ridiculous. They ballooned out so much that I had trouble stuffing them into my ski pants, but they’ll sure come in handy if I ever end up on a snow vacation when I’m seven months pregnant.

But seriously. I’m of nearly average height, and I weigh pretty much exactly what a “normal” woman of my height should. Should I start shopping in the “petite” section? Are there stores in which “small” clothes actually fit a slightly-smaller-than-average person?

———
* This has happened to every pair of jeans I’ve owned since high school. I guess my thighs really do rub together *that* much.

** I like my fashion three years old, thank you very much.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 11th, 2008 at 12:43 am and is filed under Miscellany. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.