Prepoceros

Today, on my way across town, I stopped at Starbucks. Not because I was craving sugar and calories and sweetsy goodness, certainly not, but because I have decided to use my blog for a little community service. For my community of readers. Yes, both of you.

Here’s the plan: I try the crazy seasonal things Starbucks invents, I tell you about them, and you don’t have to waste your time and money on the yucky ones. I provide this service free of charge and free of bias (though if SB wanted to comp me a few lattes, I’d sell out superfast). If I ever wind up in court on some minor public nuisance charge, perhaps the judge will count this hour as time served.

So, onward. The yuppie-trendy flavor of Summer 2007 is . . . ORANGE (bonus: doubles as a color scheme). Did you know that orange goes with coffee? I’d never heard of such a thing, not even back in the days when I watched Food Network every hour of the day except when Project Runway was on. I was intrigued.

Your barista offers three basic ways to savor the orange flavor experience: Orange Mocha (hot or iced), Orange Crème Frappuccino (regular or light), and Orange Crème Coffee Cake (reduced fat). Why there isn’t a full-fat option on the coffee cake is beyond me. C’mon people. If I were watching my diet, I’d get the veggie mix*.

The idea of orange + anything-in-the-coffee-family sounded revolting, but, in the spirit of entertainment journalism, I sucked it up and ordered. I do it all for you. My selections:

Orange Crème Frappuccino Light Blended Crème

So many words, Starbucks! Did you notice that “crème” snuck in there twice? Why? Do you figure you can charge an extra 10-cent pretension fee for every accent mark in a drink’s name? I only need two words to describe this one: Liquid Creamsicle.

I could end the review right there. ‘Nuff said. There is no quality of the Orange Crème Frappuccino that is not evoked by the words “liquid Creamsicle.” Well, except the price, in which it’s on a par with most other Frappuccinos—a Tall runs about $3.50 in my part of the country. If you’d like to sample it yourself for significantly less cash, grab yourself a Creamsicle** and a blender***. Seriously.

The one advantage the OC Frap*^ holds over a solid Creamsicle is that it’s easier on sensitive teeth (why I rarely eat popsicles, besides my no longer being seven). This is far outweighed, however, by the stick factor, namely, that a Creamsicle has one. Game, set, match. It should be obvious to the most casual observer that a food-related item of any degree of edibility can be vastly improved by impalement on a wooden stick. The entire corndog industry is based on this principle.

The OC Frap takes after its cousin fraps in being delicious for about two sips, after which you have to stop every few minutes to scrape the cloying cream-paste off your tongue. It took me four hours to finish mine. Yes, I drank the last bit warm. I eat lots of things other folks turn down. They’re missing out.

In summary, liquid Creamsicle.

Chocolate Truffle Cookie

Okay, so I chickened out on this one. I’m not usually a coffee cake person to begin with, and orange strikes me as a flavor you’d want to take a break from every now and then. The CTC *is* new, though, or at least I’d never seen it before (and I’ve scanned many a Starbucks dessert case), so it totally counts as seasonal.

It was pretty goshdarn delicious, as cookies go. Much lighter than the chocolate chunk cookies—in texture, it was about halfway between those and meringue, if that makes sense. Overpriced for a cookie, of course—$1.75—but it does come through my car window, so I can’t complain too heartily.

Bottom line: It’s no cupcake, but I’d order it again.

See? Wasn’t that fun? Don’t you feel all informed now? Will you dare to venture into the uncharted waters of the Orange Mocha? If you do, let me know . . . it sounds nas-tay.

———
* An excellent option, by the way. One can only stomach so many donuts.

** Did you know that August 14 is National Creamsicle Day?

*** Handy tip: Remove stick before blending. Are you thinking of tongue splinters now? ::shiver::

*^ Would make a good DJ name.

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 17th, 2007 at 12:10 am and is filed under miscellany. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.