I’m at Panera, and I am cold.
Very, very cold. I’ve bitched about this before, I know, but why are public buildings always over-air-conditioned? Why why why? I could understand if maybe they had trouble regulating the temperature, so it was sometimes a little hot and sometimes a little cold, but it’s ALWAYS too cold indoors.
Right now it’s 73 degrees outside. I could handle 73. Seventy-three is a fabulous temperature. But no. No, we must chill the living goodness out of the air before we let you breathe it. It’s probably 65 in here. Sixty-five is a good temperature for a gym, but it’s much too cold for a room in which folks don’t exert much physical effort beyond that required to lift fork to mouth.
Did you know than an unclothed, resting human is most comfortable at around 85 degrees*? Eighty-five! Howsabout we start there and move down. I personally think 80 degrees is a marvelous indoor temperature, but I know I run colder than most, so I’m willing to compromise. Seventy-five? How about anything above 70?
I’ve heard that restaurants often intentionally refrigerate their dining rooms to discourage guests’ lingering to chat after dinner, selfishly taking up space that could be stuffed with empty-bellied, full-walleted patrons. That sounds cynical enough to be true, doesn’t it?
But Panera isn’t a sit-down-and-be-waited-upon sort of place. You stand in line and order your food at the counter; many people get theirs to-go. I’ve never been here when the tables were all taken, and even if they were, it wouldn’t prevent new customers from ordering and paying. Moreover, free wi-fi is part of their shtick—you’d think they’d be catering to telecommuters, students, and folks who’d like to take a long working lunch. I probably come to Panera about once a month, just long enough to forget how bitterly cold it is in the dining room (and how windy it is on the patio).
I anticipate the objection that removing buckets of vapor from Houston’s air, as is necessary to prevent mold/rot/goldfish from taking over the building entirely, cools the air on its own, and that it would take more energy to heat it back up to a comfortable temperature. This would make sense if the same buildings weren’t just as cold when the outside temperature tops 100. No, it’s intentional.
I was planning to write about something else entirely today, but when the fog of hypothermia clouds my mind, I can neither uncurl from the fetal position nor think of anything besides how much longer I’ll be able to feel my toes. I was also planning to get some “real” work done while I was here, but in the four hours I’ve been here I’ve ingested approximately 800 1100 calories and done approximately no work. Oh wait, wait…I did process the unread emails in my inbox from 36 down to 12. That totally counts.
Dear body,
I am giving you more than enough of those calorie-things I’ve heard you like. I respectfully request that you burn them posthaste instead of transporting them unharmed to my thighs.
Abusively yours,
Me
———
* I read this somewhere. A few years ago. No, I can’t find it cited anywhere. But it’s 85. TRUST ME.
P.S. The guy behind the counter totally just comped me my strawberry pastry. How inappropriate, and yet delicious.
Tags: weather