It has begun
Okay, so we had a few false starts, but now I can say with confidence that Fall has arrived. How do I know?
First, my fingers are going numb* as I type this, even though I’m wearing a sweater, two other shirts, long pants, socks, and real shoes. (In all fairness, it’s sixty-something outside and would be quite pleasant if it weren’t for this goshdarn breeze.)
Second, and more importantly, yesterday I got out of my car and was foolish enough to touch the car door with my bare hand, whereupon I was viciously attacked by a discharge of static electricity. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this here before, but I HATE electrical shocks. The tingle, the grating feeling—it’s difficult to imagine a more uncomfortable sensation.
When we played around with circuits in high school physics lab, I was the sourpuss who was NOT AMUSED by the game of complete-the-circuit-through-your-classmate’s-arm. Other people in the class seemed to *want* to touch the Van de Graaff generator. I can’t fathom why anyone would want to torture themselves so, but to each his own.
As a result of this extreme distate for small amounts of electricity running through my body, I spend four or five months out of every year living in constant fear of metal objects. Door handles, metal chairs, and light poles lurk around every corner, waiting to pounce as soon as my naked flesh accidentally brushes up against them.
When I lived out in the desert that is Southern California, I was menaced by static electricity every day of the year. The doorknob to our room shocked me EVERY SINGLE TIME I touched it. Torture. Thank jebus for precious, precious humidity.
———
* It would be nice, I think, if the numbing of one’s extremities were a gradual process: full feeling, less feeling, barely any, none. But no. Instead, between feeling and numbness there is PAIN. Whose idea was this?
Tags: weather