Odi et amo
I HATE: Girl hormones*. Until the day I give birth to my first child, I bet this will remain my absolute least favorite thing about my status as a member of the fairer sex. Boys, do you know what it’s like not to be able to control your emotions? At all? For several days at a time? Because it sucks big hairy donkey balls.
I love my job. I hate my job. My puppy is precious. My puppy is a shithead. I am gorgeous and stunning and lovely and most women would gladly give their pinky toes for a body like mine. I hate my skin, my hair, my thighs, my voice, my chin. I am overwhelmed by how wonderful it is to be alive every ever-loving moment. I am paralyzed by fear of my inevitable death. I want to nitpick and argue and be snarky. I want to hug everyone I see and tell them how much I love them.
But right now I mostly want to throw things and tear shit up. Or laugh until I cry. Or just cry. qaoeijvlkaergasksadklmnfaf.
I LOVE: Jay-fucking-McCarroll. Did anyone else see Project Jay tonight? That man is one hilarious mofo. Lordy, that was some good television. Kudos to the producers and editors and whatever other sorts of creative TV people there are who contributed to the making of the show. I was a huge Jay fan anyway, so they didn’t have to work hard to make me happy, but it was still impressive.
Oh man, and the part with Wendy Pepper? Bwahahahahaha. Where she was all, “Well, I’m working on some stuff, because my marriage? Totally went down the tubes. Fame, you know? Ha. Ha ha. Look at me, being all casual and pretending this isn’t my last chance to ever be on TV ever ever. Cameras? What cameras? Look how unrehearsed and breezy I am. Ha ha. So do you wanna go have sex in my car?”
I almost feel bad for the woman; she’s so pathetic I can hardly stand it. It’s so easy to hate her. I imagine that’s why they keep her around.
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* I remember one of them is called LH. Luteinizing hormone, no? And there are a couple more…FSH? PGH? Am I even close? I remember there were charts with swoopy lines that went up and down. I paid SO MUCH ATTENTION in ninth grade biology.
P.S. Who do I have to blow to get a horizontal line around here? There’s supposed to be one right in the middle. It shows up when I preview the post, but I can’t get it to appear on the live site in Firefox or IE. Wtf, WordPress?
Tags: miscellany