Conversation
Guy who lives across from me: Your dog, like, never barks.
Me: Um, thanks?
ISEE tutoring student (5th grade boy): When do you have to leave?
Me: [looks at watch] In about 45 minutes.
Student: I don’t want you to leave. You’re cool.
Me: [melts]
Me (on a walk): Sammy, no. Hey. HEY. NO. That’s not your pizza.
[Sam picks up a slice bigger than his head]
Me: Drop the pizza. DROP IT.
Me: That is NOT YOURS. And it’s YUCKY. You don’t want that.
[Sam, now hanging by his collar, refuses to let go]
Me: Give me that. SAM. GIVE ME THE PIZZA.
[I manage to tear off half of the piece he has in his mouth and throw it into the bushes. Sam wolfs down the rest.]
Me: Ok, that’s the end of this walk. We’re going home.
[As we round the corner, Sam fakes like he’s going up the stairs, but then pivots and makes a dash for the bushes. I feel bad about nearly decapitating him, but if he hadn’t been running so fast…]
Me: Sam, do I *look* stupid? Good gracious, puppy.
Tags: miscellany, Sam