Prepoceros

I finally turned the heater back on for good today. A couple weeks ago it felt like it was about to start getting cold for real, but the sky was totally faking us out. The weatherfolks are saying we might even get our first *freeze* sometime this week. Egads!

Soon I’ll be able to wear a scarf in public without looking ridiculous. This is marvelous.

Most of you are probably shaking your heads right now because in your town it’s been winter for a solid month or two already, and all I have to say is this: y’all are bongoballs crazy in the head. Every last one of you.

Yes, snow is fun, but for months at a time? It’s cold! And wet! What sane person likes being cold and wet? Miserable!

Of course, people who live out on the tundra have heaters and parkas and mittens and fireplaces and those little packets of powder that get hot when you shake them, but what’s the fun in struggling into five layers of clothing, boots, and a ski mask just to fetch the morning paper?*

If humans were meant to live in the snow, WE WOULD BE FURRY. Furrier, anyway.

The only advantage I can see from here is the chance to wear *real* winter clothes. I love layers. Still, I’d rather have the *option* of layers than be forced to wear them. It takes me long enough to pick out a matching shirt/pants/shoes combo every morning; with seven extra articles of clothing to coordinate, I’d never make it to work before noon.

Apart from outright pain, cold is the physical sensation I most loathe. Okay, maybe it’s tied for second with electric shock, ANOTHER sensation brought on by winter weather (dry air + metal anything = oh god it’s everywhere make it stop). When I get too hot, I look for a cool glass of water and a nice nap, but when I get too cold, I feel close to death, as though I’ll never be warm again.

I realize this severely limits my grad school options, but I’d rather never leave the South again than wallow in misery for three or four months every year. I hate being cold I hate it I hate it. The fact that cities in the northern two-thirds of the US (not to mention Canada, good gracious) manage to maintain year-round populations confounds me. Masochists.

———
*Is this why they invented dogs?

Tags: miscellany

This entry was posted on Monday, December 5th, 2005 at 8:45 pm and is filed under miscellany. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.