Prepoceros

I have nothing to do. By that, I don’t mean that I actually have *nothing* to do, only that I have nothing to do that needs to be done *tonight*. I have the night off.

It’s strange. I feel a bit lost—there are so many things that I could or should be doing that I have no idea where to start. I baked a few cookies, but I could only eat half of them before I had to stop because I wasn’t hungry and couldn’t think of an excuse to keep eating. When I’m busy or have huge deadlines pending, I can’t ever think of a good reason to *stop* eating. I even picked up dinner at Chick-Fil-A on the way home tonight in an attempt to be “bad,” but I had to force down those waffle fries, and now I feel disgusting.

I can’t bear to waste time on anything like Minesweeping or blog-browsing, either. For the sake of doing *something*, I’m catching up on a few online “ethics workshops” for work. Right now I’m learning about violations of antitrust law, which is so relevant to my current position that I’m giving it a full third of my attention. Hey, remember that time I secretly agreed with one of our major competitors to fix prices with the intent of driving a smaller company out of business? Apparently that was illegal or something.

Maybe later I’ll start puppy-proofing the apartment, or catching up on paperwork, or sorting out the recycling, or filing my huge pile of old bills and crap, or reading. I almost can’t wait until I get sleepy enough to go to bed, so that I can get an early start on tomorrow.

I feel like I could be accomplishing so much in my spare time, like writing a book, or starting a company, or training for a marathon, or saving the world, or learning a new language, or reading great literature. But here I am, blogging through my boredom.

Maybe I have a problem with getting into the small-things-lead-to big-things mentality. Books don’t get written in a day, languages can’t be learned in a week, etc. I need to be able to set goals for myself, so that I have something to work towards, and to be able to break those goals down into steps and deadlines that I’ll actually take seriously.

Blah. I’m going to go play some piano and journal until (1) my hand falls off or (2) I come up with a useful task to which to apply myself.

Tags: miscellany

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 1st, 2005 at 11:25 pm and is filed under miscellany. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.